Friday, February 29, 2008

4 u to know mama..


It’s not a mother’s day or any special days..just feel like writing about my mom.. I love her.. love her very much..and it’s not my style of telling her how much I love her.. but deep in my heart I really love u..
We had so much argument..since I completed my SPM. To be frank, I’m more close to my ayah..u know lah kan.. pompuan..always be papa’s girl.. but when it comes to financial matters, love, health..u always run to your mother..
Knowing my mom..she’s quite sensitive.. and very bad that she has me as her daughter..haha.. I don’t know how to pamper her.. and I don’t know how to say sorry in proper way.. well that’s me.. an egoistic person.. not like my brothers.. who can fight with my mom so so badly..and in a few minutes will say sorry and hug her with tears..it’s totally not me..heheh.. so bad huh?
I had a bad history with my mom.. long ago.. and believe it or not..it’s about a guy..what a fu*k?? who is he anyway?? Because of him i don’t talk to my mom for a year.. can u imagine?? A year!!! We only talk about serious matter.. like ‘ma, makan’.. nak story mory no way.. my mom really like him..which I don’t.. luckily everything get back to normal.. (my mom pon malas dah kot nak layan anak yg stubborn giler)..hehe..
I’m the only girl in the family.. I don’t know if I’m lucky or unlucky? When u’re the only daughter in the family I bet all the attention will definitely go to you.. but the worse thing is.. my mom become so sensitive.. I think because she can only share her prob with me.. being me, I’ve to play smart..but I’m not smart enough..huhu… she’ll become sensitive when I regularly spend my time with friends.. bis tu?? Mom is always mom.. and friend is friend… pls don’t compare.. aiyoh… I never blame her because I really understand her situation.. my mom is adopted by a malay family.. her parents are Chinese and she never had a chance to find her parents. So she only have her own family and one and only stubborn daughter.. I realized that it’s my responsibilities to pay more attention to her.. I know after I’m married she has to let me go.. it’s tough kan? But what to do? I’m trying my best to satisfy her.. it’s difficult because I’m not a type yg lemah lembut…. Uwaaaaa..sorry ma.. ssh nyer.. sometimes when I try to be lemah lembut as she expected.. rasa mcm keras mcm kayu plak.. hehehhe.. so funny right? Filla, don’t blame others if one day your daughter react the same way..huhu.. ok ok.. I will try not to be so sensitive.. hehehe..
My mom is a bestfriend of mine..kadang we spent so much time lepaking at mamak.. dulu2 lah.. go shopping.. confirm she miss all those moments kan?.. huhhuhuu..me too.. I miss that moment.. but I’ve spent my time with her on her birthday last year.. went shopping at klcc..eating cake..laughing..talking… till I forgot to pick my Acih at nursery.. kelam kelibut sent my mom home and went back to putrajaya to fetch Acih..
I know that u’ll never read this.. but I just want u to know that I love you very much.. only u know me well.. coz I’m still your baby.. I still want u to feed me..heheh..dap ler mama suap..huahhaha.. please don’t get angry easily, I never meant to hurt you.. I love u, I love u.. when u love someone u don’t have to say it kan?? (haa kan aku dah jiwang balik nieh!!!)..
*hugs*

7 comments:

Lenny said...

filla...

being the only girl in the family is never easy... i have a sensitive mom too.. and its really hard to understand what she expect from you... but... i know by hard that she loves me dearly.. with all her heart.. she cried when she sees me in my labour pain..

i know how it feels... but trust me.. you can never love her more than she does love you..

sama la cam kita sayang anak kita.. nyawa pon sanggup korbankan.. camtuhla mak kita sayang kita..

hukhukhuk... aku rasa cam aku takkan cukup tunjuk kasih sayang aku kat mak aku.. never enuff.. not even close... huhuhu..

sorry filla aku tumpang jiwang..

Miss Moon said...

filla asal tetiba nko jiwang nih . mesti tetiba nko terkenang kat mak nko ...

ghupernya nko sorang je pompuan ek . wah mesti nko slalu kena buli ...ke nko yang buli org .

skrg kiter pun dah ada title " IBU" sebab tew pelan pelan kiter leh nampak apa yang mak kiter buat kat kiter dolu ..kesusahan dia org kasih sayang dia org . Dolu kalau dia org marah marah mesti kiter hangen dari kaki ke kepala ...tapi skrg tgk la kiter pun hangen 1 badan kat anak kiter kan . Skrg kita plak yg fit in their shoes.

Apa apa pun mak kiter la mak yang paling terbaik di donia ..

apa apa pun tunjuk kan la kasih sayang kat dia org . Yg lepas biarkan berlalu apa yg penting adalah yg bakal mendatang hahahha kan aku dah cakap cam mak mak neh . Tak pe la Filla layang la blues nko tew . Aku kasik can kat nko ekekkekek

...$weE+ 666... said...

filla... this is a beautiful post, filled with honour and love. these can only transcend what is happening at the moment, whatever that may be, and turn it into grace. sori la kalau aku jiwang lebey... ko pon tau dah aku mmg minah emo kan... so, i feel really connected with u in this entry. ko dgn aku sama part ni, the only daughter, in the middle plak tu in tiga beradik...

trust me i know, sometimes its really exhausting being the only daughter... tell me about it... huhuhu... at least kan, ko ada ayah. tp aku dah takde ayah. so mak bebetol bergantung harap dgn aku utk jadik 'her everything'... thats y aku still dok dgn mak. dah kawin pon takleh pindah. ko rasa aku lagik 'torture' tak? but hey i'm not complaining... i love her with every fibre of my being, thou i agreed with lenny, i can never love mak more than she does love me...

there's also a moment when me & mak hitting a rough patch. thou i want her to be the only individual in the world with whom i wish to share my heart, but i can not.

i have once considered 'being the only daughter' is a burden to have so many expectations placed on me and i often dreaded the day where i would be needed by either mak or my husband. it used to aggravate me to think their needs might one day get in the way of my “life”. it’s only when i am a mother myself that i understand. what i once considered a potential burden, is something i am honoured to carry and do so with pride.

filla, anak mana tak sayang mak kan... she raised us and so she must be one hell of a woman to make a daughter as amazing and brilliant and caring as us (cewah!) the emotion and concern in this entry of urs was transparent and genuine. walaupun ko slalu citer kat aku thru ym, tp baca apa yg ko tulis sini perasaannyer berbeza sket. ur mama is such a special lady and the bond and strength of the love u share with each other is so strong it will withstand all of the difficulties u are experiencing now, and more.

i believed that all things - no matter how hard they may be to endure - happen for all of the right reasons. Insya Allah. whatever it is that's going on between u & ur mama, i'll send u all of my prayers and think of u. ur loved and ur mother too! *hugs*

Akicage said...

Attention!

happy2gether said...

Filla, i'm the only girl in the family too, with 5 lil'brothers, adolescent period mmg aku tak rapat ngan mak,lebih rapat ngan Abah, Mom always nag, aku pon degil walopun nampak lembut(u know me),Abah is the cool one,so apa2 mesti cari Abah...

Tp skrg after being a Mom myself, baru paham n tau the feeling, bila Mak aku teman masa nak deliver Syasya...mmg masa tu baru terasa sgt...My mom is the type who doesn't know to show her love, unlike me,I always hug/kiss her when I feel i want to...my parents are the type yg 'malu2/segan' nak tunjuk2 love dpn org sbb parents dorang dulu2 pon camtu.Tp alhamdulillah pas aku start hug & kiss them everytime jumpa start masa duduk U & kawin ni, it has become a norm,everytime call bila nak letak i will say "sayang mak", itu aku amik dr Min,dulu cam geli,dulu mak aku jwb 'hmmm,hmm' jek bila aku ckp camtu, skrg dia dah pandai reply blk "sayang yong"...it takes some time..even with my PIL pon aku akan hug n kiss them. For me, if you love somebody don't hide it, show it, tak rugi buang ego when it comes to your Mom & yr love ones...show it before it's too late...show to her that you care and you love her,walopun mula2 kekok, lama2 akan jadi biasa.

"If you love someone, tell them.
Because when you decide that it is the right time it might. I love u my friend & I'm not ashamed to admit it...
be too late."

happy2gether said...

oops silap, terlari plak apa aku type nih, "If you love someone, tell them. Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late."

Filla,I love u my friend & I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Zita said...

Thanks for writing this.